Savior (Private, Arik)

Night crawled on, the darkness never letting up. She tossed and turned, the sleepless nights and days dragging on. A week later. She almost never left her room. Her stomach curled at the very thought of food, her heart aching as her mind recalled everything that she had witnessed and done throughout the weeks.

Her friends. The one she loved. All injured or hurt because of her and her actions. I̧̨͜n̡͡sa͏͝ņ̸͜i̧͡t͢͜ý.

Lexia threw herself to her feet. She couldn't deal with it anymore. Her arm was mattered with bandages she refused to treat. Lexia didn't deserve to have it. Her gaze raised to the roof, a sigh escaping her mouth as she paused for a few moments. After everything that she had done, she never wanted to see them again. The disappointment, the anger, the sympathy. She was strong.

But not strong enough to deal with over a thousand deaths caused by something she was too weak to stop.

Lexia had lost the ability to shed tears, her endless sobs claiming them all from her.

She didn't want the others to think that she was digging her own grave and ever since that event... Lexia had been considering the only thing which she thought would release her from the guilt she had felt. Alcohol took the edge off the pain, which is why she almost always had a glass with her. Full or empty. It depended on how badly the emotions coursed through her. But she knew she was worrying Sly, and she almost slammed her fist onto the window sill.

Screw this.

She left her room. Lexia was silent, avoiding cameras, avoiding people. Mind you, they would all be asleep by now... She made her way to the lounge which spread out before Sly's bar. Lexia filled her cup - this time with a mocktail, to ensure she wouldn't have too much alcohol in her system. But she opened a silver sachet, slipping the contents into her drink. She wandered to the back corner - her spot and sat heavily on the couch. She placed the glass on a nearby table, another sigh coming from her as she leant forward. Lexia held her head in her left arm.

"I'm so sorry." She mumbled to herself, her right hand coiling around her drink to take a sip.

Days past, wounds healed, scars faded. The events that lead to this still floated around in his head, blurry and with no way to tell what was real and made up. There was smoke and destruction, along with a terrifying beast and a blonde. Then there was a girl, but it was just a dream. Her place in the destruction didn't fit. Her place anywhere didn't fit. He knew for a fact that part was fake.

Now that he could move around more and wasn't stuck in his bed, sleep didn't come easy. He was thinking too much, about what had happened, her, his teammates. They had all been affected in one way or another from the event. The only thing he could get from the few he still saw was that everyone was still alive. It was good to hear that, but he still cared about how they were. Even to those he didn't have a strong connection with, where the only time they chatted was when they passed in the base or when he was leading them through a mission. Then again, he was rather reserved and wasn't great at conversations.

The silence at night was almost overwhelming. It was enough to where he could hear the breathing of the others as they went in and out of their sleep cycles. He had to be still to hear it, but the fact that he could was a bit unsettling. Arik guessed that he should be glad that he was okay, but he was still broken over his laptop. A piece of technology, that's what he cared more about than his own life. It was a miracle, the more important pieces of his laptop didn't seem to have damage- but if that was true he had still yet to find out. The were didn't have the pieces he needed to attempt to fix his laptop, nor to make another, and Yuuki wasn't letting him leave the base yet. Not until he could prove that he could handle a trip like that.

Normally, being this home stuck didn't bother him, but he wanted to go outside, get some fresh air. He had nothing to do in here but think- and even with how smart he was he hated to do that. It was half of the reason he had joined this guide.

There was a disturbance in the silence, something so slight he wondered if his mind was playing tricks on him. He waited a second before going to his door and opening it, quietly making his way down the hall and to the main areas of the base. Maybe someone else was up, not being able to sleep or just getting themselves something from the kitchen. After not seeing anyone Arik debated just going back to his room, but there was one last place he didn't check. He peaked his head around the corner and- was that Lex? He was happy to see that she was still alive, but then he took in her posture. Everyone seemed rather down lately, but she looked more than most.

He couldn't tell if she had noticed him yet or not, and he wasn't sure how to approach her without ending up startling her. The dark-haired man took a step forward, waiting a second before taking another. He bit his lip, wondering what was making him so hesitant. Maybe it was because she could have came out here not wanting to see anyone- something he could relate to. Would it be better to leave her alone?

No, he hadn't seen her since... when was the last time they had actually talked? Clearing his throat to let her know he was there, hopefully, he said, "Lex, it's um, nice to see you." What a great conversation starter.

Normally on nights like these, it would have been silent. That was why she had chosen that night to do what she wanted to do. However, she almost dropped her glass when she heard a voice. She slowly released a controlled sigh, her shaky hand removing the glass from her lip to place it back on the table. Close, but not this time apparently. Maybe fate decided for her, that she wasn't to do something like that just yet. Her hand slipped down from the glass, sliding to rest at her side. Through the haze that was lack of sleep, Lexia wasn't able to recognise the voice for a few moments. She straightened her posture, wincing as her arm she almost refused to treat was closest to him. She lurked her head to face him.

Arik.

Memories of the beast flashed painfully through her mind. Lexia visibly flinched, before returning her gaze to the ground, her heart beating so hard it gripped her chest with a grip that caused it incredible agony. "Arik... I thought you would be asleep." Lexia spoke quietly, her voice low so she wouldn't wake up the others. However, through her speech was the sound of pain. Not from her being in it, but what the memories evoked on her.

She wasn't ready for this.

Arik... Lexia's mind instantly recalled what she had done to him. Agonising memories, ones that she couldn't control. The concrete that slammed into him, sent him straight onto the ground. She could clearly remember the blood that dripped from his head, the bruises that would cover his body from the impact of the piece. Mind you, the slab was large enough to kill any human... Her mind banished the thought, her hammering heart making her raise her left hand to press against her chest. Lexias face was slightly distorted in pain, but she prayed the low light from the ceiling wouldn't be enough to show him exactly what she felt.

"Arik... I..." No. Don't. She shook her head slightly, her midnight hair slipping slowly in front of her shoulders to brush against the ground. "How are you doing?"

She almost groaned. Lexia was in dire need of someone to just slap her and teach her to talk to people again. She was fine, but that was until... Lexias hand tightened into a fist. Dammit... Calm down, it's alright... but she wasn't able to fool herself. Everything was anything but okay.

Arik watched as she moved, suddenly feeling awkward standing there. He saw her flinch when she looked at him. It made him wonder why. The bandages had been taken off a few days ago, leaving only bruises and the wound on his head. She spoke so quietly Arik almost missed it, he took a few steps closer. "Sleeping has never really been a friend of mine," he tried to joke, a bit of truth mixed into it. He rarely got the recommended amount of sleep, but he got enough to function. He was also much more nocturnal than not, and being a were probably didn't help either.

He glanced down at her arm, tensing for a second at the state it was in. He wasn't sure if there was pain in her voice when she spoke, but he was almost sure that there was now. Something was clearly wrong with her, but he was sure she knew that as well. Maybe if he had better social skills this would be easier. She probably wouldn't have had a problem with this.

"I'm fine, nothing serious," he replied, knowing that it was a slight lie. From what he could tell, it was likely he had a concussion from the hit, and he wasn't treating that well. The pain from his head had numbed, and he only felt dizzy when he stood up too fast. Maybe he'd have someone check on him later. His eyes lingered on her arm. "But..." He wish he knew how to approach this, "Lexia, your arm. May- may I look at it?" From what he could tell, it at least needed changing. He wondered how much she was caring for it. The were wanted to ask how she was but, maybe he should wait for that. He didn't want to... pressure her? Make her feel uncomfortable?

God, animals were so much easier to deal with.

Lexia almost expected herself to snarl, come back with a retort to scare away Arik from showing any interest in her. She glanced to the arm, the dressing in a very dire need of changing. But by the way he asked if he could look at it, Lexia slowly sighed. This would be so much easier for her if she hadn't witnessed him being hurt. Mind you, anything at all was easier than looking at those who had been inconvenienced or hurt from that creature. Even if it was no more, it's curse still laid heavily on Lexia. Slowly, she nodded. "I... I guess." Lexia said slowly, wanting to raise her gaze to meet him so she wouldn't appear to be rude. But she couldn't. She just couldn't.

Using the injured arm, Lexia would beckon Arik to come forward. In the same motion, she would swipe the drink from the corner of the table near him and place it on the opposite corner. Just so that it was out of the road. "I've been insisting that they take care of everyone else over me. They've spent so much time fixing Aiko... And everyone else that... That I don't bother asking for a hand with this." Lexia admitted. However her wording was incredibly careful as she was trying her best not to alert Arik to her agony. Her heart, at least, wasn't thumping as painfully in her chest currently. If it were, Lexia didn't think she would be able to even sit up without having a heart attack.

Lexia would wait until Arik came a little closer before she would suddenly sigh. She couldn't bare it anymore. He should hate her. Just like Draligon. Everyone should. "Please don't see this as me hating your help or concern... But why do you even care?" Lexia asked gently, her sapphire eyes gleaming with a little sadness as she looked to him. The light she always had for survival and her determination to keep going had withered away and been thrown into the winds. Like ashes, those two traits about her had blown away like they were in the wind. Arik surely would notice this as he witnessed Sly and Lexia fight Yuuki.

"It's my fault, Arik. That... Beast... I couldn't stop it, no matter how much I tried." Lexia hesitated. Why was she even telling him, it was highly likely he wouldn't be interested in her blabbering anyway. Her eyes shimmered as tears had built in them from the memories which she was reminded of, as well as the fact that she was speaking with someone she hurt.

Why does he even want to help, I'm the one who did everything. I couldn't stop I̧̨͜n̡͡sa͏͝ņ̸͜i̧͡t͢͜ý from tearing thousands of lives to shreds, I couldn't stop it from hurting anyone! If I had, none of this would have happened... And no one would be injured. Lexia shook her head, mumbling an apology rather out of the blue.

He waited patiently, wondering if he was already asking too much of her. But that shouldn't matter- her arm needed to be looked at before it got worse. The were just wished that he would have known to look for some sort of medical supplies before coming down here, but there was no way he would have known. Arik moved over, gently looking over the arm. His eyes had adjusted to the low light, but to have a better examination he'd need more. It would have to do for now. The dark-haired man shook his head. "Lexia, you need to take care of yourself. I'm sure..." no, he wasn't sure how everyone else was. He couldn't just lie, especially when it seemed like she knew more about what was going on than him. "We're all part of this team together, I'm sure someone would have been able to look at you."

Looking up at her he saw the sadness in her eyes, a missing speck. The energy she used to have, one she used when fighting Yuuki, seemed gone. The strive to survive, gone. In a way, it almost reminded it of himself. She was once the light in his day, the stars at night, and then she was gone, and so was he. He noticed the glass on the table. This guild was a distraction to him as the drink was an aid to her. Who knows where he'd be without it.

Why did he even care. He would care even if she wasn't on his team. A person on the street, he'd care, but not act. Sympathy over brain waves and walk away. Here, he could at least try. Then she mentioned the beast. That beast. Even if he didn't remember much from the events, that thing still flashed in his mind. It took a second to sink in. The way it acted with Sly, the blue tint to its eyes as it cried. So that's where she was during it.

"Lex, it wasn't you. You should be glad you were able to control it the way you could, if that was me- I'd be lost, I... there was no way I could have controlled it. Either the whole world would have been destroyed, or I would have." The thought made him shiver. "Then how would I live? With that creature -that thing- all alone, swallowed in my own grief? What more could you have done?"

Lexia shook her head a little, "Not until everyone else is looked after - that's why I have been hesitant with showing or talking to anyone about my injury. Only a handful know..." She raised her eyes to meet Arik's, her heart pounding in her chest. For a few moments, Lexia remained silent, trying to put a cap on her emotions which seemed to just want to spill out. She wanted to tell Arik how she couldn't be looked after until everyone else was healed, she wanted to tell him what she experienced behind the barred cage - a hopeless victim watching in sorrow as the world she loved was torn apart by her paw. Hand. She didn't even know what it was called anymore. I don't deserve the help for hurting everyone in the guild the way I have... I don't deserve their sympathy because I caused this. Lexia scolded herself, her eyes wanting to allow tears to fall.

But she refused to shed them.

In silence, she listened to what Arik had said, a small and defeated sigh coming from her when he had finished. Slowly, ever so slowly, she shook her head as she tried to come up with something to say. But only the guilt, the regret and sorrow were in her mouth. Her words would form eventually, but they seemed restrained, said through clenched teeth or with her throat being blocked by the sheer emotional bubble that continuously rose inside her. "It was my - it was my body... That... thing literally had torn through my skin, it was... it was me." She stammered, the vivid memories and feelings of agony stabbing through her chest, the excruciating pain from having that thing tear through her caused her to shudder.

"You would have been more prepared - done something to contain it... You're our tech genius, an amazing hacker, you could have found something to deal with it before it was too late. As for me... I... I could have tried to kill it again, but I had multiple times in the past... But I didn't want to die then... So I tried, I tried to move away from Xas.. But I didn't get far enough away from the city. That was when it reared its ugly head, that thing that tormented me ever since we met..." She referred to her meeting Arik and her heart caught in her throat. "Back when I had Nithya..." Lexia wasn't able to finish her words, but she knew that she seemed disjointed, the thought process shattered and corrupt by the walls of emotion she tried to hide.

Like a dam bursting, Lexia rose her hands to her face, tears welling in her eyes and down her cheeks. Dammit... She both thought and said, weeping bitterly into her hands.

He didn't realize he was holding his breath until she spoke again. Was he worrying about his own failure about the creature, or failure to help her? "But Lexia, was it really you?" he asked, already feeling his side of the discussion fall. So much for confidence.

Listening to her words made him want to chuckle a sad chuckle- there was no way he could have been prepared for it. But he didn't have time to reply to it before a new thing hit his mind. Back when I had Nithya... What had happened to the Foenix? Arik wanted to ask, but he felt like that wouldn't help right now, and she soon started to cry. It made him freeze. What was he supposed to do now? He could comfort by words but... instead he attempted to gently place a hand on her back, hoping to be some sort of comfort.

"Lex... not even my smarts can save me from everything. I'm skilled in tech, codes, math... but everything else? I can't fight for the life of me- I have to rely on you guys to keep me safe every time I step outside of that door. My social skills are almost non-existent, it's a surprise I'm able to keep up this conversation without wanting to crawl back into my room and-" The were hesitated. Memories of older days way before the guild, when he'd be comforted by her, crying in her arms. He was stronger then- and remembered the days without her. But eventually, he became numb to it. It was like loosing a pet or friend, eventually, it doesn't hurt you anymore. At least, not as much as it did.

He took a breath. "Lex, I'm not you, but I have things right now that I'm not prepared for. I've lost things... people... but there are things I can't even deal with," his heart was beating faster, and he was unsure if he was going to go through with this, "like myself. It's a constant downhill battle, but I have no one to go to. My way of 'dealing' with it is to distract myself with danger. Trying to find danger is how I found Yuuki. By now I might as well be dead, but there is still someone I live for, even if I have no way of knowing where she is," Or even if she's still alive. No, he wasn't comfortable to just outright say it. Not in here. Not yet. But was that even the right thing to say to her?